Hug your boo: More affection — not equal amounts — strengthens romantic ties

PULLMAN, Wash. - In a romantic relationship, affectionate communication is a key measure of satisfaction. But what if one partner is more affectionate than the other?

New research led by a Washington State University professor finds that the more affectionate communication in a partnership, the better - even if that affection is imbalanced. The paper was published in the journal Communication Studies.

The scientists explored which matters most to relationship quality: overall level of affectionate communication or similarity between the two partners' affection levels - whether low or high. They overwhelmingly found that more affection, even if one-sided, correlates to stronger relationships than similar levels of affection.

"It's very common for one person in a relationship to be more demonstrative," said Kory Floyd, lead author on the paper and chair of WSU's Department of Human Development. "Even if only one person is highly affectionate, the relationship still reaps the benefits."

A key takeaway for affectionate people who want a stronger connection in their relationship is that they generally don't have to worry that lopsided communication means their relationship is hurting, Floyd added.

It's very common for one person in a relationship to be more demonstrative. Even if only one person is highly affectionate, the relationship still reaps the benefits.

Affectionate communication includes both verbal and nonverbal actions, including saying "I love you" or "I care about you," as well as holding hands, hugs, and other physical displays of emotional connection.

The authors studied questionnaires completed by 282 adults in the U.S. The survey included 141 heterosexual couples who had been in their relationships between six months and 48 years. Participants responded to prompts like, "people who know me would describe me as affectionate," with ratings on a scale of 1 to 5.

Those questions established each person on an affection continuum.

"We measured each individual for their tendency to be affectionate," Floyd said. "We've come to think that everyone has a trait level of affectionate communication, similar to trait levels for being extroverted or introverted."

The researchers had two opposing theories, and the study aimed to show which was most accurate. The first is Affection Exchange Theory (AET), which ties affectionate communication to evolutionary needs, positing that this type of behavior evolved and persists to help humans survive and procreate.

Floyd originally proposed AET in 2001 and has co-authoreddozens of papers researching it.

The second theory is assortative mating, which hypothesizes that similarity between partners matters most. According to this theory, it's good if both people have either high or low levels of affectionate communication, but significant differences are undesirable. It's this theory that says people tend to match up with those similar in appearance, interests, backgrounds, and other traits.

Floyd and his co-authorsshowed that AET provided a more accurate description of healthy relationships.

"It ties back to survival and reproductive success," Floyd said. "This study shows that affection is good for you at any amount. If you're in a relationship in which the average levels are much different, that's not cause for concern."

He often hears about couples with one partner who is much less affectionate.

"It's not a good idea to demand more affection," Floyd said. "It's better to encourage and model behavior that you hope to see more of. If you want more affection, model that behavior."

Media Contacts

• Kory Floyd, WSU Department of Human Development, 509-335-8478, [email protected]
• Scott Weybright, WSU College of Agricultural, Human, and Natural Resource Sciences communications, 509-335-2967, [email protected]