A Rutgers psychologist explains the experience of emotional distress or sadness and how connection, independence and belonging shape the transition to campus life

Leaving for college is more than a change in where a student lives.

From a developmental perspective, it often happens during a period of significant psychological growth as young adults develop greater autonomy, establish identities, form new relationships and learn to navigate challenges with increasing independence.

Stephanie Marcello, chief psychologist at Rutgers University Behavioral Health Care, discusses how students can navigate homesickness as a natural part of the transition to college

Can students feel homesick and excited for college at the same time?
Yes. Missing home and being ready to grow, become more independent and embrace a new experience can all exist at the same time. Some discomfort can be a part of adapting to a new environment. Developmentally, college is a time when a young person is learning they can miss home and still build a meaningful life somewhere new.

Has the experience of leaving home changed for today's college students?
In some way, yes. Technology allows students to remain connected to home in ways that were not possible for previous generations. A student can live hundreds of miles away while texting parents throughout the day, FaceTiming friends from home and following their previous social world through social media.

That connection can be an important source of emotional and social support. At the same time, from a developmental perspective, students also need opportunities to build confidence navigating challenges and tolerating uncomfortable emotions within their new environment.

The goal isn't disconnection from home. Healthy development isn't about suddenly becoming completely independent. It is about developing greater autonomy while maintaining meaningful relationships. The question is whether connection to home is supporting a student's adjustment or unintentionally making it harder to become engaged in the life they are building at college.

What are the signs of homesickness?

Homesickness can look different for each student. For most students, these experiences will decrease as they develop routines and feel more connected.

Stephanie Marcello

Homesickness can look different for each student. Some students experience persistent thoughts about home, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, irritability or difficulty concentrating. Others may notice changes in sleep, appetite or motivation. It is important to remember that missing home or taking time to adjust to the changes are very typical experiences. For most students, these experiences will decrease as they develop routines and feel more connected.

We become concerned when the distress doesn't improve over time or begins to interfere with a student's ability to go to class, connect with others or take care of themselves the way they typically do. One of the most important distinctions is the temporary distress associated with the adjustments and symptoms that persist and interfere with daily functioning. Feeling sad or missing home does not, by itself, indicate a mental health disorder.

How can students cope with homesickness?
Start acknowledging the feeling rather than judging it. There is no right or wrong way to feel during this transition and there is no right or wrong time for it to appear. Students do not need to eliminate uncomfortable emotions. And just as you can't control when it starts, don't stress about trying to control when it goes away. Remind yourself this is a common, normal experience for students leaving home for the first time.

Talk to your family and friends back home and focus on building new connections and social relationships. Look at what you miss from home and figure out ways to recreate these aspects. For example, if you love playing a sport at home, consider joining a sport on campus. Use your nostalgia to look for clues to what makes you feel happy.

Having an active, healthy lifestyle is important: Create new routines, get out of the dorm, eat healthy and exercise. Small, achievable behavioral goals can be useful: attend one campus activity, introduce yourself to someone in class, study in a shared space rather than alone in your room. Bringing small, comforting things from home, such as favorite snacks or blankets, can also help. The goal is to create another place where you experience connection and belonging, which takes time.

Most importantly, if you are homesick, talk to someone about your feelings.

Don't assume from social media and from seeing others on campus that everyone else has already made friends and adjusted. Someone can look completely comfortable walking across campus and still miss home. Give yourself permission to be in transition.

What can make the adjustment more difficult?
A student who feels homesick may understandably want to stay in their room, skip activities or spend significant time talking to people at home. This can reduce opportunities to develop relationships and become more familiar with the new environment.

How can parents support both connection and independence?
Supporting autonomy does not mean withdrawing support. Parents can gradually shift from solving problems for their student toward helping the student develop confidence in solving problems themselves.

When a student calls home upset, parents understandably want to immediately fix the situation or suggest coming home. Instead, it can be helpful to first listen, validate emotions and express confidence in the student's ability to navigate the situation.

A good response is: "That sounds difficult. What do you think your next step might be?" That communicates two things at once: "I'm here for you, and I believe you can handle this."

When might homesickness signal that a student needs additional support
Homesickness itself is not a mental health disorder. However, students should seek - and be encouraged to seek - professional support when sadness, anxiety or other symptoms persist or worsen, when they are having significant difficulty sleeping or eating, when they are missing class or withdrawing from others.

Feelings of hopelessness, thoughts of self-harm or suicide or concerns about immediate safety require prompt professional evaluation and should not be attributed simply to homesickness.

If you or someone you love is struggling or in crisis, help is available by calling or texting 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.