Dear younger me: All your dreams will quietly find their way back

Now that you're 12, you already know something very important: you want to be a scientist, an explorer. That feeling is real - you believe you can rock and really make a difference. However, at some point during high school, you'll forget that dream for a while and feel unsure in yourself. That feeling will not really go away. It will find its way back to you, quietly but persistently.

I wish you knew this earlier: that feeling has a name. It's called impostor syndrome and it will take you some time to realise it's not telling you the truth. You are not where you are by mistake, you are exactly where you're supposed to be.

When you leave Zagreb to live abroad, you won't be scared of the world, you'll love it. You'll be curious, open, and terribly amazed. You'll try food you didn't even know existed (yes, sushi will become normal, and currywurst too), and you'll meet people who think completely differently from you.

That part will feel easy and exciting. What will feel harder is the weight of expectations. Being chosen for a PhD in Germany will feel like a huge responsibility, almost like you need to constantly prove someone made the right decision. But they already knew it. They didn't choose you by accident, they saw your potential for growth.

Over time, something shifts in you. You'll start hearing other people talk openly about the same doubts you thought were only yours. And slowly, you stop believing in them so much. You won't become fearless, but you will become more at peace in your own head. You'll be surprised how calm it all feels later, but you'll have to learn how to get there.

There will be a moment when you'll receive something called an MSCA fellowship. You'll look at it and think, "Okay… maybe I'm not all that bad". That moment will give you loads of space, not just financially, but mentally. Space to take risks, follow ideas that are a bit unconventional, and build something that is yours. And that will turn out to be one of the most important things for you as a researcher: finding your own niche. Not just continuing what you did with your mentors but shaping your own questions.

My advice: trust yourself a bit sooner. And hold on to that curiosity you already have, it will carry you further than you think. It's what will make you excited to go to work most days, and keep you awake at night because you want to see your results. That feeling is rare, and it's worth protecting.

Barbara, 30 years later