Tips for dealing with holiday stress

Tips for dealing with holiday stress

Kristen Peltz, the director of wellness services and counseling at Northwest, provides the following tips for dealing with holiday stress.

When it comes to the holiday season, people tend to fall into one of two camps: They either love the holidays, or they don't. For those who delight in Christmas, Hanukkah or other celebrations, this is the brightest time of year - full of light, love, family, and festivity. For those who struggle during this time, the last weeks of the year may represent loneliness, loss or family tension.

These tips are for those of you who are holding your breath, waiting for the holiday lights to come down, the gift wrap to be put away and the New Year to roll through. At the very least, you deserve some peace, and wouldn't it be nice if you could experience some joy in the season, too?

Reach out

For some people, the holidays are anything but a time of togetherness and celebration. If you have lost a loved one around the holidays, if your children have left home, or if you are single and separated from family, the season can be exceedingly lonely. Now is the time to connect with others. Don't be afraid to let people know you are on your own. When we're sad or lonely, we often isolate - try to avoid this tendency and accept people's generosity of spirit. You can return the favor another time.

Volunteer

If you are planning to spend the holidays alone, consider volunteering. Helping others provides tremendous benefits: You offer a much-needed service, you get yourself out into the community, and you often end up feeling good about what you've done and who you are. Consider donating your time or choosing from the many worthy options available. The community will welcome you.

Go for "good enough"

The holidays are a setup for perfectionists - the magazines, commercials and Hallmark movies try to convince us that we can create the perfect celebration. In reality, no one can achieve perfection - not with mood, festivities or décor. Give yourself room to have a wonderful, and wonderfully imperfect, holiday. Allow the cookies to be store-bought, the guests to argue and the lights to go out. Life happens in all its wondrous chaos and unpredictability. Celebrate it!

Just say "no"

The holiday season can make it especially difficult to stand up to pushy or critical friends and family. But there comes a point when you need to give yourself permission to set limits. State what you are willing to do and be clear about where you draw the line. Let others know that you need to take care of yourself as much as you care for them and encourage a more equitable distribution of responsibility. There may be initial push-back but stay firm. They will adjust.

Make space for yourself

If you are surrounded by family this holiday season, make sure to take time for yourself. Offer to run an errand, take a walk on your own or with someone you enjoy, or step into another room to call someone you're thinking of. It's even OK to get in your car, turn on the radio and breathe deeply for a few minutes before heading back into the fray. Give yourself permission to take much-needed breaks.

Honor your losses

For those who are reminded of someone dear during the holidays, now may be the right time to acknowledge that person. Rituals - like memories - matter and honoring those we've lost can be an important part of healing. You might create a memory box filled with mementos, write a letter to your loved one to revisit next year, or celebrate their life by engaging in an activity they enjoyed. Recognize that your grief, painful as it may be, reflects something - and someone - wonderful.

Practice acceptance

As much as you may hope that your uncle won't be rude, your sisters won't argue, or your mother won't question your taste in clothing, hairstyle or partner, prepare for this inevitability: What hasn't changed yet is unlikely to change over the holidays. Take a deep breath. Relax. And remember that your powers - of persuasion, diplomacy or resolve - are limited.

Deal with financial stress

If finances are a source of stress this holiday season, reconsider your spending. Perhaps you've been giving gifts to extended family for years and can no longer afford it. Perhaps your grown children expect big, shiny packages and you haven't had the heart to adjust expectations. Allow yourself to shift gears. This may involve letting others know you are cutting back. Release the pressure of gift-giving expectations and the financial stress that comes with them.

Finally, consider counseling if you find yourself struggling with mood, stress or loss-related challenges that don't go away. There is no wrong time of year to ask for help.