8 unexpected things disability can teach us about leadership

Dave Dame avoided dating for years because it always meant trying to solve 100 problems. As a man with cerebral palsy, he worried about whether his date would go well, but also things like how he'd get to the restaurant and whether it'd be accessible.

Every question stacked up in his mind, making it all feel impossible - until he mentally reframed the idea of trying to have a perfect night out to just a casual dinner with a friend. Now happily married for 22 years, Dame's experience taught him an important strategy he's carried into his career: To rethink a daunting problem into something smaller and find creative ways to tackle it.

It's one of many lessons that Dame says having a disability has taught him about leadership. As senior director of human centered design at Microsoft, he leads the strategy, design and delivery of inclusive, human first experiences across Windows and devices. In his new book "Leading with Imperfect Feet" from Microsoft's imprint, 8080 Books, Dame outlines how he's learned to embrace experimentation, vulnerability and continuous learning.

Here are 10 lessons that can help anyone become a better leader.

1. Vulnerability is a performance leveler

Dame remembers a pivotal moment in a day at the beach. He'd always stayed safely parked in the wheelchair-accessible parts of the shore, but some new friends convinced him to try going into the water. With their help, he slowly made his way to the water's edge, falling several times in the process.

Though he was mortified, he pushed forward, fueled by the thought of finally touching the ocean. When he finally got to swim, the experience was joyous.

But it was what happened later that day that left an impression on him: An older man using a walker made his own journey to the waves. "I did it too," the man told him, adding that Dame had inspired him. "I just knew that if you could fall down and look like an idiot and get back up, I could too."

Dame says disability forces leaders to show where they need help. That visibility builds trust faster than polished confidence ever could - and signals it's safe for teams to take risks, ask questions and fail forward.

2. Progress beats perfection every time

That day on the beach, Dame would have liked to make it all the way to the water without falling, of course. But he failed, and that was OK.

Dame says that as he went, he adjusted the way he was balancing himself. His friends adjusted how they were supporting him.

"I didn't get progress by sitting in my chair, running analyses on how to walk," he writes. "I did it in a more efficient way: through trial and error."

Dame says having the tenacity and grit to persevere through an uncomfortable process are the keys to success. After all, nothing works perfectly on the first try. He says leaders who adopt the mindset of iteration can move faster, experiment more and unlock innovation that others stall on.

3. Struggle is more motivating than success

One of Dame's most counterintuitive lessons is that people aren't motivated by flawless wins, but by watching someone fall, adapt and keep going.

Like the example of the older man at the beach, Dame says he realized his disability showed his corporate team that he meant it when he said it was OK to stumble and fail.

"Showing that we are human and make mistakes empowers our team," Dame writes. "Your struggles motivate others to put in the work to overcome their own challenges and to move forward one step at a time."

4. Designing for the edges makes things better

In the history of technology, many of the solutions originally built for people with disabilities have ended up becoming mainstream. Audiobooks, originally designed for blind users, are now broadly popular.

Voice-to-text, relied on by people with disabilities for decades, is now a feature in everyone's smart phone. Closed captions, originally for deaf viewers, are now used by anyone who wants to lock in on their streaming shows or watch the news on mute while running on a treadmill. Dame says leaders who design for the edge cases are the ones who will unlock whatever innovation comes next.

5. The best ideas rarely come from the top

When policy makers started recognizing the value of accessibility standards and practices, in theory it should have been a great moment for people with disabilities. But, as Dame writes, decision-makers often didn't ask anyone with disabilities for their input. That meant that even though builders were putting in ramps and elevators as part of general construction, key elements like automatic door openers were missing. "Imagine how much more efficient and successful the accessibility rollout would've been if the people affected by the changes had been part of the consultation and building process in the first place," he writes.

It taught Dame that the people closest to the problem - disabled or otherwise - are often the best line of defense. Leaders who listen to frontline perspectives and act on them outperform those relying on top down assumptions.

6. Trust is foundational to how we operate

From a young age, Dame has had to rely on others. His parents helped take care of him until college, when he had to manage a team of support workers to help go places and do basic daily things like getting dressed. If someone called out with no replacement, he'd be left stranded. Dame realized that if he empowered his support team to get their shifts covered by talking to each other instead of going through him, everyone would be better off. He had some fear of handing the schedule to his team but says "fear can either motivate you or limit you."

"If you let fear limit you, you're accepting that you're just not going to be able to try something new that could be good for everyone," he writes. "I wasn't willing to accept that. I wanted to try the new thing and see how it went."

Because his disability required reliance on others, he learned a powerful leadership lesson: When you trust teams with real responsibility, they step up with better solutions than you would've created on your own.

7. Psychological safety drives real performance

When Dame started his first job at an ad agency in the 1990s, the bathroom wasn't large enough to fit his wheelchair. Rather than say anything, he avoided it - even going so far as to limit his fluid intake, so he wouldn't need to use the facilities.

Over three long years, he didn't speak up because he didn't feel safe or empowered. It was only after he felt valued as an employee that he felt comfortable enough to ask for an accessible bathroom.

Dame writes that if people can't speak up about barriers, nothing with get fixed. It taught him that leaders who create environments where it's safe to ask for help, admit challenges or question the status quo can help create better outcomes and more innovation.

8. Imperfection is the foundation of innovation

When Dame clumsily made his way to the ocean water, he fell over and over again. But he kept going anyway. He knew, even then, that the "falls weren't failures. They were the way to the water."

For Dame, failure isn't a setback - it's the mechanism. Progress requires visible, repeated imperfection. His mindset is that accessibility reframes our proverbial falls from something to hide into something we can build from. Leaders who embrace that openly will create teams that are more creative, resilient and human.

"Some disabilities are obvious, some are hidden, but every person and every organization has barriers," Dame says. "And today's barriers are tomorrow's opportunities."

Lead image: Dame presents at a recent leadership event. (Photo provided by Dave Dame)

Samantha Kubota reports on everything AI and innovation for Microsoft Signal, with a recent focus on how AI agents are reshaping everyday work, Microsoft's research breakthroughs and the responsible use of emerging technologies. Prior to Microsoft, Kubota was a journalist at NBC News. Follow her on LinkedIn.