Tips For Having 'The Talk' With Younger Kids

It's a rite of passage that many parents-and kids-dread. We're talking about having "the talk." And yes, it's likely to be awkward, but it doesn't have to be awful.

"Be open, honest and curious with your kids when talking about topics like puberty, body changes and sex," says Shoshana Gordon, D.O., a pediatrician at Henry Ford Health. "You're giving them information but also building trust and being a good role model."

Taking the first step is the hardest, but there are ways to help you ease into these tricky topics.

When to Start Talking to Your Kids About Puberty

The best advice when it comes to talking to your kids about body changes is to start early and talk often. "You want to have conversations about puberty before they start experiencing any changes," says Dr. Gordon. "And changes-including hormones and periods-are happening earlier for some kids than they used to."

When you think about puberty, you probably think of it in terms of teenagers and their visibly growing and changing bodies. But changes that aren't visible may be starting much sooner.

"Every kid is different, but generally I tell parents to start talking to their children about puberty around ages 8 to 10," says Dr. Gordon. "And long before that you want to talk openly with little kids about their body parts, privacy and consent."

How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

Many parents stress about how to bring up and discuss sex with their kids. But often, your kids will do it for you. It may start with an innocent question about where babies come from.

"That's your opportunity to meet them where they're at," says Dr. Gordon. "You could start by asking them what they know or think about the topic." Then tailor your response to the amount of information they want and need at that stage. Stick to facts and let them know they can ask if they have more questions.

"These conversations can happen organically if you let them," says Dr. Gordon. "Don't brush off a question or comment your kid makes-even if it's at an inconvenient time."

Tips for Making "The Talk" Less Awkward

It's the rare parent-child combo that can comfortably sit across the table and discuss periods, body hair, hormones and sex. "Much better to bring these things up when you're not staring at each other," says Dr. Gordon. "Riding in the car is often the best time for tricky conversations, or even a walk."

Also, look for those easy openings. If your child makes a comment about something they've noticed about their body, tells you a friend got their period or seems curious about bras, use that as a jumping off point.

"If you're shopping together and your kid starts looking at the deodorant, don't just keep walking," says Dr. Gordon. Stop and ask some questions to open the door to a conversation. Are their friends using it? "Ask what they know about it and do they want to try some," she suggests. "Meet them where they're at with honesty and curiosity."

It's also okay to turn to books or other sources you and your child can share. You could read about puberty and body changes together. Or if that embarrasses your kid, each read something separately, then come together for a discussion about what you've learned.

How to Keep the Conversation Going

"The Talk" isn't really just a talk. It's a series of conversations that should start when your kids are little and continue well into the teen years and beyond.

One way to keep the conversation going is to stay open. "Don't lecture or judge or they will tune you out and never bring it up again," says Dr. Gordon. Instead, ask questions and answer their questions with facts.

"Facts help take any judgement or opinion out of the conversation," says Dr. Gordon. Leading with facts can also be helpful if your child has gotten some misinformation from friends, television or online. "Don't villainize sources of information," she says, "but remind them that not everything they see or hear is true."

Work with your kids to find reliable sources of information. If they know where to turn and who to trust with their questions, you'll know your talks have been successful.

Reviewed by Shoshana Gordon, D.O., a pediatrician who sees patients at Henry Ford Medical Centers - Royal Oak and Sterling Heights.