Is my child depressed or is this just a developmental phase

Updated: Thursday, October 8, 2026 3:44 PM

Is my child depressed or is this just a developmental phase?

Long days without talking, not enjoying their favorite activities or even spending every day in their bedroom - do any of these sound like your child?

For some kids, behaviors like these are normal and part of growing and experiencing new feelings or hormones, especially as they become teenagers and go through puberty. But for others, they may be signs of a bigger issue.

Navigating mental health, especially your own child's, can be scary, confusing or even frustrating at times - but you're not alone. We're here to help answer those questions that keep you up, wondering "what if?"

Can children even get depression?

Yes, children are capable of experiencing and developing depression. A growing body of empirical data suggests that children as young as 3 years old can experience depression.* This early-onset is still being researched, but refutes previous theories that preschoolers are developmentally too immature to experience depressive symptoms.

How do I know if my child is depressed?

Symptoms of depression can look different for each person, as well as for each age group. You may want to have a conversation with your child if you notice:

• Irritability and anger
• Sadness or hopelessness
• Loss of enjoyment in favorite hobbies or activities
• Social isolation
• Risky actions like use of alcohol or drugs and/or putting self in harm's way
• Self-harm
• Change in functioning at home or at school

Depression doesn't look the exact same for every child. In adolescence, it often looks like irritability instead of sadness. If your child suddenly starts acting strangely or different from usual, don't be afraid to have a conversation with them or their primary care provider.

Will my child grow out of depression? Is it just a phase?

While many children, especially teenagers going through puberty, experience fluctuating emotions and traits that are "just a phase," if your child has clinical depression, it's not going to go away on its own.

Symptoms may improve on their own, but the prospect of them coming back - even worse than before - is a very real risk. Professional treatment, just like you would get for an injury or an illness, is the best way to ensure your child can continue to thrive.

How do I approach my child or teen about their mental health?

It can seem intimidating to try and get your child to open up about what's bothering them. Ensuring you use the right words at the right time can help you make the approach more successful. Consider these tips:

• Timing is key. If your child is having an outburst of frustration or sadness, it's not the time to have a deeper conversation about their mental health. Pick a time when things are calm and low-pressured. Ensure it's only you and/or your partner present so your child doesn't feel too much pressure.
• Keep your cool. Your child may say surprising or emotionally-charged things during this conversation. Keeping yourself calm and collected will communicate that you are a trusted support person for them - one that they can lean on when they need it.
• Listen. Your biggest goal during this conversation is to find out how your child is feeling. Now is not the time to give feedback, even if your child expresses frustration with you. Let them guide the conversation. If they're quiet, ask open-ended questions like "How have you been feeling lately?" or "Can you tell me more about the things bothering you?"
• Use neutral words. Words like "crazy" or other derogatory terms may alienate your child from the start. Approach the conversation as a learning experience, not a time to judge.

I'm scared my child might hurt themselves or others. What do I do?

If you believe your child is in imminent danger of hurting themselves or others, call or text 911.

If you or a loved one are experiencing a behavioral health crisis but are not in immediate physical danger, dial 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Where do I get more help?

Your primary care provider is a great resource for you and your family. They can help refer you to age-appropriate resources that can provide the support your child needs.

Live in the WNY area and looking for comprehensive support? Contact The Children's Psychiatry Clinic at Golisano Children's Hospital of Buffalo for more information.

*Luby JL. Early childhood depression. Am J Psychiatry. 2009 Sep;166(9):974-9. doi: 10.1176/appi.ajp.2009.08111709. PMID: 19723795; PMCID: PMC3184299.
https://www.samhsa.gov/mental-health/what-is-mental-health/how-to-talk/parents-and-caregivers#